Okay so those of you who know me and my family know that my little girl sleeps in bed with us every night. Now I've had people tell me that it was bad, I've had others tell me it was okay (including her pediatrician), but I for some reason feel the need to explain my position on this. It's not because she doesn't have a bed, it's not because she doesn't have a bedroom, it is completely and utterly selfish.
My little girl spent the first seven weeks of her life in the NICU. Born ten weeks early, there was no choice. So the first fifty one days of her life were spent in an incubator. I couldn't hold her the first time until she was seven days old. And even then I could only hold her for half an hour every other day. The NICU nurses got to be with her and around her more than I did. It was amazing she even developed an attachment to me when she first started out. I cried myself to sleep praying every night to God that she would just make it through the night and that he would keep his hands on her and keep her breathing and healthy. On nights that it stormed I would cry myself to sleep and pray that she would be safe in the hospital on the top floor. Every night, I woke up in the wee hours, and call the NICU nurses to check on her.
So, is it selfish that she sleeps in bed with us? Absolutely. Does it bother me? Absolutely not. It wasn't always like this. For the first year she was always right beside me in a bassinet, (family heirloom that she fit into well after her year mark) then she fit into a big girl crib and it too was right beside my bed. Then we noticed that she would go to sleep in the crib and wake up next to us in bed. Well I tried to put her in her crib in her room. After the first night of waking up and she wasn't there for me to just look at and feel or see that she was still breathing, I threw my hands up, brought her to bed and she's been there ever since.
The ability to wake up in the middle of the night and reach out and know she's okay is a peace of mind that I'm not willing to give up yet. The ability to be right there when she wakes up from a nightmare, I'm not willing to give up yet. The waking up every morning to a slap on the shoulder and a kiss on the cheek, I'm not willing to give up yet. She'll eventually get to the point where she's ready for her own bed, and when she is, I'll let her. But until she decides she wants it, I'm going to remain the selfish mom that I am, and enjoy the peace of mind, while I can.
