Wow moment

Okay so I watch the show Teen Mom on MTV. Yes, yes I know, technically I'm "too old" to be watching the show but I can't help it. Well in the last episode, one of the moms with twins has been given some bad news about one of her little girls. And I watch this and I'm in tears. I mean it's really hard for me to watch this and not think about Giggles. It's so easy to take for granted what you have with a healthy baby. My premie could have not even been here. And not only did she make it, she did it without any breathing problems or major scares outside of the MRSA in the NICU. There were so many complications during my pregnancy, I went in for emergency surgery when she was only 3 weeks along, I went in for an emergency c-section when she was born, I mean the list goes on and on. I have been so blessed that she has been relatively healthy. Outside of her weight gain being slow, we've been very lucky. I can only pray that the luck continues with her and that she remains in good standing. She's my whole world. I can't even imagine what this girl is going through with her daughter. I can tell you, as a mother with a premie, I can COMPLETELY understand what it's like to blame yourself for your child/children's possible shortcomings. And it's irrational to do so, and as a mother, you know that, but it doesn't make a difference. You can't help how you feel. I am praying for her family and her little girl and I hope that all turns out alright, and that these things can all be taken care of with therapy. Pray that she stays strong and keeps her faith up, because faith will get you an your family through whatever comes your way, no matter the outcome.

Dear Chance (Part 3)

Today I was ready to kill ya. Since you are walking around and going everywhere, you are also getting into EVERYTHING! I tell you no, and you look at me as if to say "Yeah right." And it doesn't matter if I sit you down in the floor, or pop your butt, nothing phases you. Except your Daddy or your Uncle G. They can look at you and say no and boy, it's the end of the free world! LoL! You're so funny. It's just terrible when someone tells you no. Well, someone besides me! LoL! You've started yelling back at me when I tell you no now too. Mama's gonna put a stop to that one, lemme tell ya. Not sure how, getting some creative ideas from your Grandma though. My mom. Oh yeah half pint, she's on my side! LoL!

Don't get me wrong though Giggles, it's not all bad. You giggle and laugh more than any child I know. You are the whole reason I get up every morning. Your Uncle G, Daddy and I were talking the other night. We thought that life was good before. We never knew what we were missing until you came along. You've brought so much light and life into this house. Yes, even when you're testing my patience, and trust me child, you test my patience on a daily basis, I still wouldn't trade a thing on this earth for you.

Admittedly sometimes I feel guilty. And maybe it's stupid that I feel this way, but I was so scared to be a mom. So scared to have a child. Your Daddy wanted one right away. He couldn't wait to be a Daddy. But I was scared stupid. Now, I think about the fact that the fear in that was stupid and I should have had you years ago. Then I think, if I had, how things might have been different. Your great grandpa would have had a chance to meet you. Your great grandma would have had more years to know you, and you would remember her. I don't know, like I said, stupid stuff. Maybe your grandma and grandpa wouldn't have moved. Now on that aspect of it are plus sides and minus side. Minus being if they hadn't moved, we wouldn't live where we do, which is a house I grew up in, and an amazing home to raise a family. Plus being if they hadn't moved, well, they'd be here. LoL! But you know, I can set there and talk about what-ifs all day long and it wouldn't change what is. What is now, you are my reason for living each day to it's fullest. You and I just had a convo about you stashing BBQ potato chips all over this living room so you could come back and snack on them when you want. You love giving kisses and hugs and love typing on my KEYBOARD WHILE I'M TYPING!!!! LoL! You're my whole world little girl. I can't begin to tell you how much I love you.

Well, your daddy is home, and you haven't seen him all day, so I'm gonna let you run to the door to see him. I'll talk to you later baby. I love you!

Mama