Monday, August 17, 2015

Dear Chance (Part 7)

Dear Chance,

Today is your first day of school ever. It's your first day of Kindergarten. Already you've made a name for yourself as you got Chicken Pox from your booster. You are a week late starting class and I feel bad that you're already behind. But it is what it is. You, begin the little unique person you are, not only caught the virus from the booster (Which only happens in 2% of cases world wide), but you caught the virus within 2 days of getting the booster, which is even rarer! Score one for mommy seeing as they science isn't there to definitively prove it yet, but genes have something to do with propensity to develop Chicken Pox and guess who got them twice when she was a little girl! Yep.

I'm not ready for you to be in school. There is a lot going on right now, your Mimi is very sick, and it's made me want you with me more and more. But you need this. I am trying to convince myself of this. I know it's good for you to be in school, you seem to love your teacher, and you even made a friend in Orientation so it's going to be neat to see how your friendship develops. I just miss you. One of those gotta let them grow up things, but I don't have to like it. :)

Anyway, this is going to be a short entry, I've got to get to your Mimi's and take care of her, but I'll be there to pick you up before you get off, baby. Mommy loves you. So so much. I hope you have a great first day at school.

Love Always,
Mommy

Monday, July 6, 2015

Shirley Temple and the Things My Child Thinked

So tonight I'm watching Bright Eyes. One of my favorite Shirley Temple movies. I'm talking to my daughter about it and I hit it up on the channel to see if there's a Shirley Temple marathon. I scan through a couple of pages and alas, theres not. However, I notice that the movie A Star is Born, is on.

Thinking out loud I say "Oooh A Star is Born. But...1937? That's not the one with Judy Garland in it." and out of the blue, my 5 year old pops up, "That's that girl that was in that tornado movie with the witch and the dog and the munchkins, isn't it?"

My mouth hangs open. "Baby, how did you know that?" - "Because mommy, I thinked it." - "Yes baby, but how did you know that?" She gets shy. "Because, mommy. I told you. I thinked it."

I shake my head. I have a very special little girl indeed.

Thursday, June 18, 2015

I'm Doing Something Right...

So in the news, everywhere you look, there is negative about two things. Cops, and race. There is racial division everywhere we look, and every time we turn the television on. TV shows, they try. They attempt at making sure there isn't racial division or division between cops and civilians, but it doesn't matter. There still is. So what do I, as a mother, do for my little girl?

Yes, there are bad cops, no matter where you go. There is racial division, no matter where you go. So what do you do? Well...I do the best that I can to make sure that my daughter isn't afraid of cops, and that she doesn't see race. I saw something recently where a person recognized and acknowledged ... kids don't see race. They see a person, just like them that likes to run, and laugh, and play. We raise our children how to be racist. We raise our children to know that cops are bad. People...this has to stop!

One of my dearest friends, is black. And I am white. Do you know what I see when I look at her? Honestly? I see my sister in God. I see this amazingly beautiful soul that sees ME. Her eyes hold everything. Those eyes, can see straight through all the bullshit. Straight through the past. Straight through my demons. Straight through my vices. Not her skin color. Not her hairstyle. Not her economic status. Her spirit. She looks in my eyes and gives me the most amazing smile ever and she sees ME. Folks, I couldn't lie to this person if I tried. She is just that amazing and that beautiful and that...full of God. Love. Sheer love.

This. This is what I want to teach my daughter. I want her to be raised the way I was. I want her to know that a person is beautiful, no matter what color their skin, or where they grew up, or where they've come from. I want her to know that a person is inside, not outside, and not to be afraid of what's to come, and people she's going to meet.

Which leads me to cops. A lot of racial division seems to be going on, especially with "Bad cops." Well let me tell you, from personal knowledge, cops DON'T HAVE IT EASY!!! They walk out of their front doors, kissing their children and spouses, every day/night, NOT KNOWING if they are going to make it home at the end of shift, or if someone is going to pull a gun, or run over them on the side of the road, or if someone is going to fight them and pull a knife, or if someone is going to run them until they can't run any more. They don't know if they're going to be forced to pull their gun, to run after a suspect, or to shoot with deadly force. They don't know. And neither do you.

You see constantly where cops do this or cops do that. You never hear about the cops that are walking through the hospital and see a little girl who proudly says "I'm gonna be a cop when I grow up!" because her mommy has taught her that cops are the good guys, and stops to say "If you're going to be a cop, you're going to need this blue light!" and give that little girl a small finger flashlight that's blue. You don't see those moments when the cop is in uniform and a little girl screams through the grocery store, "Hi cop!!! I'm gonna be a cop just like you when I'm older! Okay, bye cop!" and her mommy blushes and says "Sorry, she really does have manners." for that cop to smile and say "Oh honey, that's alright. I get called a lot worse on a daily basis."

The other day, my daughter and I were watching Disney Jr. We saw this little blurb, where a girl was getting ready for school, saw her calendar and realized it was "Red Shirt" day, and slipped a red t-shirt over her long sleeve shirt she had on and walked out the door. This girl was clearly of middle eastern descent. Darker skin, long, long dark hair and dark eyes. My daughter smiles, looks and me and says "Mommy! That girl is beautiful! Just like me!"

I knew in that moment, I'm doing something right. And I hope it continues.