Monday, August 17, 2015

Dear Chance (Part 7)

Dear Chance,

Today is your first day of school ever. It's your first day of Kindergarten. Already you've made a name for yourself as you got Chicken Pox from your booster. You are a week late starting class and I feel bad that you're already behind. But it is what it is. You, begin the little unique person you are, not only caught the virus from the booster (Which only happens in 2% of cases world wide), but you caught the virus within 2 days of getting the booster, which is even rarer! Score one for mommy seeing as they science isn't there to definitively prove it yet, but genes have something to do with propensity to develop Chicken Pox and guess who got them twice when she was a little girl! Yep.

I'm not ready for you to be in school. There is a lot going on right now, your Mimi is very sick, and it's made me want you with me more and more. But you need this. I am trying to convince myself of this. I know it's good for you to be in school, you seem to love your teacher, and you even made a friend in Orientation so it's going to be neat to see how your friendship develops. I just miss you. One of those gotta let them grow up things, but I don't have to like it. :)

Anyway, this is going to be a short entry, I've got to get to your Mimi's and take care of her, but I'll be there to pick you up before you get off, baby. Mommy loves you. So so much. I hope you have a great first day at school.

Love Always,
Mommy

Monday, July 6, 2015

Shirley Temple and the Things My Child Thinked

So tonight I'm watching Bright Eyes. One of my favorite Shirley Temple movies. I'm talking to my daughter about it and I hit it up on the channel to see if there's a Shirley Temple marathon. I scan through a couple of pages and alas, theres not. However, I notice that the movie A Star is Born, is on.

Thinking out loud I say "Oooh A Star is Born. But...1937? That's not the one with Judy Garland in it." and out of the blue, my 5 year old pops up, "That's that girl that was in that tornado movie with the witch and the dog and the munchkins, isn't it?"

My mouth hangs open. "Baby, how did you know that?" - "Because mommy, I thinked it." - "Yes baby, but how did you know that?" She gets shy. "Because, mommy. I told you. I thinked it."

I shake my head. I have a very special little girl indeed.

Thursday, June 18, 2015

I'm Doing Something Right...

So in the news, everywhere you look, there is negative about two things. Cops, and race. There is racial division everywhere we look, and every time we turn the television on. TV shows, they try. They attempt at making sure there isn't racial division or division between cops and civilians, but it doesn't matter. There still is. So what do I, as a mother, do for my little girl?

Yes, there are bad cops, no matter where you go. There is racial division, no matter where you go. So what do you do? Well...I do the best that I can to make sure that my daughter isn't afraid of cops, and that she doesn't see race. I saw something recently where a person recognized and acknowledged ... kids don't see race. They see a person, just like them that likes to run, and laugh, and play. We raise our children how to be racist. We raise our children to know that cops are bad. People...this has to stop!

One of my dearest friends, is black. And I am white. Do you know what I see when I look at her? Honestly? I see my sister in God. I see this amazingly beautiful soul that sees ME. Her eyes hold everything. Those eyes, can see straight through all the bullshit. Straight through the past. Straight through my demons. Straight through my vices. Not her skin color. Not her hairstyle. Not her economic status. Her spirit. She looks in my eyes and gives me the most amazing smile ever and she sees ME. Folks, I couldn't lie to this person if I tried. She is just that amazing and that beautiful and that...full of God. Love. Sheer love.

This. This is what I want to teach my daughter. I want her to be raised the way I was. I want her to know that a person is beautiful, no matter what color their skin, or where they grew up, or where they've come from. I want her to know that a person is inside, not outside, and not to be afraid of what's to come, and people she's going to meet.

Which leads me to cops. A lot of racial division seems to be going on, especially with "Bad cops." Well let me tell you, from personal knowledge, cops DON'T HAVE IT EASY!!! They walk out of their front doors, kissing their children and spouses, every day/night, NOT KNOWING if they are going to make it home at the end of shift, or if someone is going to pull a gun, or run over them on the side of the road, or if someone is going to fight them and pull a knife, or if someone is going to run them until they can't run any more. They don't know if they're going to be forced to pull their gun, to run after a suspect, or to shoot with deadly force. They don't know. And neither do you.

You see constantly where cops do this or cops do that. You never hear about the cops that are walking through the hospital and see a little girl who proudly says "I'm gonna be a cop when I grow up!" because her mommy has taught her that cops are the good guys, and stops to say "If you're going to be a cop, you're going to need this blue light!" and give that little girl a small finger flashlight that's blue. You don't see those moments when the cop is in uniform and a little girl screams through the grocery store, "Hi cop!!! I'm gonna be a cop just like you when I'm older! Okay, bye cop!" and her mommy blushes and says "Sorry, she really does have manners." for that cop to smile and say "Oh honey, that's alright. I get called a lot worse on a daily basis."

The other day, my daughter and I were watching Disney Jr. We saw this little blurb, where a girl was getting ready for school, saw her calendar and realized it was "Red Shirt" day, and slipped a red t-shirt over her long sleeve shirt she had on and walked out the door. This girl was clearly of middle eastern descent. Darker skin, long, long dark hair and dark eyes. My daughter smiles, looks and me and says "Mommy! That girl is beautiful! Just like me!"

I knew in that moment, I'm doing something right. And I hope it continues.

Saturday, November 29, 2014

Dear Chance (Part 6)

Dear Chance,

As you sit here and buff Satin's nails (And she LETS you), I smile thinking about this letter and how bad I've slacked lately. I cant believe it's been since December two years ago that I sat down and wrote you a note. I actually sit here thinking about a lot of stuff I've slacked in lately. Today, it seems as though I'm slacking even more because I was in a bad mood, and I yelled at you. I turned and saw your little face and I knew I'd hurt your feelings, because you were just trying to show me a picture you drew of the two of us. And my heart broke. I immediately started crying and apologized profusely, and the picture of you and I, sets beside me daily. You're five now, and you grow every day and I can't stand it.

Your favorite movies of the moment are The LEGO Movie, and Into the Storm. Yes, my little tornado chaser, you make me proud. Your favorite shows are anything on Disney Junior, including but not limited to Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Sofia the First and Jake and the Neverland Pirates, and yes, you're still big on Dora the Explorer. Every day, you sweep the floors now, and your favorite toy is still your rocking horse, though you have this teddy bear that you drag around everywhere and call it your sister Amy. Not to be mistakenly pronounced normally, it's Am-ee, and not A-mee. You LOVE to mimic commercials and so much so that one night in your sleep, you popped off with "Now who's your Burger Daddy?" from a Red Robins commercial. Your other favorite commercial is the "Jake from State Farm" commercial in which you will reenact the entire thing, and an AT&T commercial with two guys in a van pulled over. The driver is talking to the cop when the passenger asks the cop if he ever puts pepper spray on his burrito.

I retract my original statement from earlier. Your favorite toy is a toss up between your rocking horse that Uncle Eddie built for you, and a small Ukulele that I got for you randomly one pay day when we were in Walgreens. It's got Minnie Mouse on it, and it goes everywhere with you. You also like movies Frozen and Maleficent, and you don't know it yet, but your Aunt Brenda and Uncle Eddie got you a humongous Olaf and a copy of Frozen, for Christmas. I can't believe you're five. I know I keep saying that, but it hardly seems possible that it was five years ago Nov eleventh that I brought you home from the hospital. Still nineteen days before your due date. You were so little. Now you've grown so much. And you're too stinkin cute to boot.

Joe is here now. Your grandma Judi told me a couple of months ago that he loved me, and that he would always be mine, and to bring him home. So your daddy and you both, worked really hard, got the barn ready, and we brought him home a few weeks ago. I work across the street with the horses and you love every minute of it, even getting in there and helping out with the taking care of the horses. You can't wait to ride, and your favorite thing over there, outside of the horses that is, is Grandma Judi's bathtub. It's a huge garden tub and you can practically swim in it. And you do. WITH supervision, of course. ;)

Well anyway, Bug, I need to get going and get ready to go to Aunt Brenda and Uncle Eddie's house, your daddy is going to be home soon so we can go hang out, probably for the evening, like normal. I'm going to do my best to get back on writing you a lot more often. I think it's important that I keep this going better, so that you'll have something to read, later on in life. I love you baby. You're still my whole world.

Love always,
Mommy

Monday, July 28, 2014

Wow have I been slacking!

So there is a major reason for the post today, and one that I don't want to ever forget, but I will admit, I have SERIOUSLY been slacking, and I'm sorry. I've had so much going on, with her, and with my own books being published, and my cousin's here, my mom popped in for a surprise visit, been helping my neighbor/second mom with her horses on a pretty regular basis, and keeping up with my house. It gets tiresome, to say the least. LoL!

However, that being said, I had to put down a couple of things that have been happening lately, that I want to remember and to be able to tell her later on down the road. The first, a few months ago, she got a packet of Curious George cards and envelopes set for Christmas I think... Anyway, she decided she wanted to write letters to her Grahmma and Grahmpa for throwing her a b'day party at their place, some 700 miles away. The first card was for Grahmpa and while she was writing it out, she picked out the other one that she wanted for Grahmma. She picked out one with a rainbow. And she said "This one is Grahmma's. She loves rainbows." I sit there for a moment, and I say "How do you know Grahmma loves rainbows?" Now understand, there is a lot of truth to that statement. Not one that she understands or has ever heard, most people haven't, but there's a reason why.

On the day she was born, her Grahmma's b'day, it had been storming and raining all day. Well it finally broke for a while, and Grahmma, was going to meet Grahmpa at a restaurant for her b'day. She was in the golf cart, and had come to a stop light, waiting to turn. When she looked up in the sky, above the stop light, she saw this rainbow. And it was bright and almost as if it had been meant just for her. She glanced at her watch, worried she was going to be late to meet Grahmpa, and for whatever reason, the time, stuck with her. I call her after she's born, and she tells me about the rainbow. It showed up in the sky, at the exact moment Chance was born. The importance of this is the fact that she was born so early, and there was so much question of whether or not she would make it. She was only 30 weeks. Her lungs weren't fully developed, she weighed 2 lbs and 5 oz, there were a lot of things stacked against her. Her Grahmma said, "Honey, she's going to be alright."

A couple of weeks ago, we're out with the neighbor and her dad. He is older, has emphysema I believe, and has a nasal cannula for oxygen that goes with him everywhere. We're in the van, and Chance says "Mommy, I remember having one of those." I scratch my head, and I say "Baby...what?" She did have one of those when she was first born to help her breathe. And she goes "Yeah, remember, when I was a baby. Jesus came to me and told me that I needed that to help me breathe so I could talk when I was older." I once again sat there, mouth hung open, and couldn't really respond.

Today, I was watching Dr. Phil. And I LOVE Dr. Phil. I watch it daily, so does her Grahmma. Well today it's on, and just out of the blue, she goes "Mommy, he looks like God. Only a little different." I say "Baby who? That guy?" She says "No mommy. Dr. Phil." I sit there once again, mouth open. "God? Like God, God. God?" She looks at me as if to say 'Duh' and goes, "Yeah! God! I met him when I was a baby!" - My little girl, is special. She is meant to go places. She is meant to be here. She's my angel.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Vacation and Vocabularies

So lets start with vocabularies. Bug has been in speech for a little while now and boy has it helped. The other day for one, coming down to a point of not even knowing where she even learned this word, we get out of the shower and she goes for a towel. I'm like "Baby, what are you doing?" - Without missing a beat she goes "Mama, I have to get the condensation off of the mirror!" - What!? When did she even...I mean, not only did she say the word clearly, but she used it in the right sense! Then...earlier today (She LOVES Doc McStuffins), she comes up to me and "looks into my eyes" then runs and grabs a piece of paper and a crayon and says "Alright mama. I have your diagnosis!" LMBO! Bless her heart! She's growing up so fast.

Next up, vacation. We made it to grandma and grandpa's house. For her birthday of all things. Sharing a birthday with your grandma is special enough, and actually being able to be with grandma this time around, made it that much better. We had so much fun with this stint away from home. We went bowling, grandpa and daddy took her to see Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs 2, which let me tell you, was definitely a treat for grandpa, we went swimming, she made a bird house with daddy, mama and grandma got in the water and swam with manatee's, even though she was scared of them, daddy and grandpa were along for the boat ride, we took a little scenic boat ride, and we just all around had a good time. One of Bug's favorite things to talk about while being there was her and grandpa watched Sharknado and Ghost Shark together on television. That was one of the things she talks about more than anything. She got to ride in the golf cart a lot too, which was a total hi-light for her.

She even through the fit of a lifetime, which resulted in me carrying her out of a department store, with her kicking and screaming under my arm like a football. LoL! I'll never forget, there was these little old ladies walking in the parking lot. And Bug was going "Mommy, I don't like this! I don't like you!" and I told her, "You know what, that's okay because I still love you." and one lady looked at me and she goes "Just keep smilin honey. It will get better!" Made my whole day, even with a screaming four year old tucked under my side. It was a most memorable trip, and so good. So good. Hated to leave, but then, it's my mama and daddy. I always hate saying good-bye.

Anyway, that's all for now. I'm on my way back to finish Bug's room. We're going through and donating a few (Like 75%) of her toys that she never plays with. She's got so many toys, oh my goodness. And like I explained to her, there are lots of kids out there who don't have any toys. So we're going through and she's helping go through the ones she wants to give to someone else. My baby girl. Gettin all growed up. *Sniffle*

Sunday, August 11, 2013

Visiting Gramma and Grampa

So Bug has been doing really good and even potty training all by her self (Forcing her wasn't working at all). It's been great. Well we've been rewarding her with "monies" which are little dollar bills made just for her out of green construction paper. So today, she's talking to her Mimi and tells her that we're going to visit Grandma and Grandpa soon.

So after she hangs up, all day I hear "I wanna go see Grandpa. I wanna go see Grandma." So finally I had to put a stop to it because we can't go until Daddy gets some time off work. It's kinda a long trip. So I finally tell her that Daddy doesn't have the money yet to go. That seems to placate her for a little while anyway.

So she gets "monies" for using the potty. And we've been really working on it, with big time monies rewards for pooping on the potty. Well today she did. So she collects all of her monies, brings it to me and says "There! Now Daddy has the monies to go to Grandma and Grandpas!" I was like AWE!!!, little tear of love comin down for my little girl. She's so cool.

Anyway, that's about all that's going on here. Nothing major. Talking more and more every day. She starts speech again soon so I'm excited to get going there. But that's about all for now. :) Until later...