Day 18 - Going good

Last night wasn't bad a all. When she ate at 4 she took 3 oz and it seemed like she wasn't quite satisfied. So when she got hungry again at 7 I made her a 4 oz bottle and she took it all! I'm so excited. She's sound out asleep right now. She should be waking soon for another bottle in a few minutes here though. She's sure and steady sucking one her nuk at the very moment. She's so damn cute! LoL! I can't help but love her when I look at her. Even when she's screaming. In fact quite honestly she's so funny when she gets mad I quite literally have to laugh at her at times. Her forehead wrinkles and she gets the worst look on her face...and she snorts. That pushes me over the edge. I can't help but just bust a gut when she does that. Of course, I fix the problem, but I'm laughing the whole time. She's actually starting to outgrow her premie clothes. It's almost sad. Don't get me wrong, I am SO GLAD she is growing, but...I don't know. It feels good to be needed and depended on. Maybe this is what I've been needing to get myself back on track. It's very empowering to know that I am the one that fills her needs. Not that I'm all holier than thow...I just...I dunno. I like it. I like knowing that if she's crying, I can pick her up and hold her, and that's all she wants. Or when she's hungry, I can feed her, and she's happy again. Or that when she's dead out asleep like she is now...I can say "Hi Beautiful" (Something her grandma started ;-) - Thanks mom. LoL.) and she will smile so big, and her dimples will show, and I just can't help but see that smile, and melt into a huge puddle. She's so gorgeous. How in the hell did I get so lucky to be blessed with such an amazing gift from God? How was it that I was lucky enough for him to say "Here. This is my gift to you. Treat her well and love her for everything that she is, and everything that you are. I put her in your capable hands." And...I have to have faith that he knows that I'm capable. I mean, if not, then why would I have been blessed with her? My husband and I weren't too concerned with protection for years. And then when we did decide to be serious and try, it took months! If this wasn't meant to be, then I could very likely still not get pregnant. And don't get me wrong, that's not to say that those out there trying and still aren't have any less chance or opportunity, it just means that it's not time yet. And when it's time, it will happen. I believe that the perfect soul belongs to every child and that soul will not appear until the time is right. God knows what he's doing. I have to have faith in that every day or I'd go nuts. I got lucky with this one. And I couldn't be more blessed for that fact.