Dear Chance (Part 5)

Yesterday, a great tragedy befell our country. A man walked into an elementary school and murdered twenty children and six adults. A senseless act that took the lives of little kids and for what reason, is still unknown. I look at you and I've hugged you a little tighter the last couple of days. Given a little more patience. Felt a little more grateful that you're here, pestering the crap out of me for more and more Dora. The more and more I see on the television, the more it solidifies the thought of home schooling. Even taking you to school for speech therapy isn't appealing to me. And I know that this isn't something that's going to happen in every school, or for other shootings, at every mall or movie theater. But the thought of you being unsafe, rattles me.

When I was younger, I was scared of having kids. I had a lot of reasons. Most of them were irrational, but some of them were founded. I worried about being able to keep you safe and it's turning out more and more that it's not ever going to be up to me. I can only do what I can, and the rest is in God's hands. I struggle with that sometimes as a mom. Like when you're sick. You're dealing with you first ear infection ever, and it's a double ear infection. You're on the bubble gum flavored Amoxicillin and you hate it. The first time I gave it to you I had to hold you down and force it. Now, you may give me a bit of protest, but you will take it on your own. The doctor told me the other day that you were one of the toughest kids she's ever met, and she's from California. She said that you have a double ear infection and still are managing to play and smile. She said she doesn't know any kids out there that can tolerate that much pain. LoL! You're a tough snot.

You're favorite thing to watch, has been Disney movies (Thank God), and Dora the Explorer. I could take or leave Dora, and maybe I'm just too literal with things in the show, but I'm with you on the Disney movies all day. You've really been talking more and more lately and just popping off with just random moments of attitude. Girl, your attitude is just ... you are ALL your daddy there. LoL! Now of course daddy would disagree there and tell you it's the other way around, but really it's not. LoL! Anyway little girl, it's your nap time and honestly, being sick myself, I am right there with you and we're fixin to go lay down. I love you little girl. You're my whole world.

As of late...

Well it's been a while, once again. Sorry. No excuses. Lots happened. Most recently came the infamous scissor incident. Yes, every one of you with children knows where I'm going with this. She got a hold of some scissors and gave herself a haircut. Oh yeah. So I almost cried. her hair is down to the middle of her back and she chopped it off. This was three days ago.

Well last night, she's laying there in bed, and I think she's asleep. All of a sudden she breaks the silence. "Mommy, I'm sorry." I'm scratching my head, she's done nothing wrong that I know of in at least two hours. "Baby, what are you sorry for." In the most sincere voice, I hear "I cut my hair." I almost cried. I told her it was okay and she reached over and gave me a hug and kiss then laid down. I felt so humbled. Bless her heart after so long, she apologized. It immediately put me in mind of when I was younger.

When I was little, my family and I used to travel to see family between Tennessee and Michigan. It was a long drive that we made and it seemed to take forever. Well one year, we were on our way back and I'd left my wallet at a restaurant. And there was my ID, some money and some miniature dice that my cousin had given me, in this wallet. And I remember the dice were more important than anything, but I tell my dad. He was so mad that we had to turn around. (In reality he was just a little irritated, but to me, he was mad as the devil. Of course at eleven, you know things are so much worse than reality). So we drive all the way back to the restaurant (I can't remember how far), daddy runs inside and gets my wallet then comes back out. He was spittin mad. (Again, to the mind of an eleven year old). So we get back on the road, and in all my childhood wisdom after what seemed like an hour, I hand all the money in my little wallet to my mom and I tell her to give it to my dad, to pay for the gas that he spent turning around for my wallet.

She's growing up so fast, and at times, I can't stand it. I want to keep her young forever at times. She's getting so mature and she's barely three. She is all about helping with the cleaning be it dishes, sweeping, mopping. or cleaning. Such a big girl.

Dear Chance (Part 4)

Dear Chance,

It's been a while since I've done a letter to you on here so I figured I would go for it. :) You're three now. I can't believe it. I look back at pictures of the last year and I cant believe how much you've grown. You're finally 26 lbs now, finally having full on conversations and you're asking why a million times a day. Well let me clarify, you're not asking why, but you're asking because. I'll tell you to do something and you'll go "Because?" and I'll say "Because..." whatever reason. Then of course you'll ask me a million times before I finally just tell you "Because I said so." LoL!

You're drinking out of a big girl cup now and playing with everything you can get your hands on. Your favorite thing to watch on Netflix right now is Horseland, Curious George or Rainbow Bright and the Star Stealer. I've seen the movie at least sixteen times in the last week, and that's not an exaggeration. However, I just put Space Camp in the Play Station and you are really digging this movie. Especially Max. With any luck...I can get sick of this movie, which will take a LONG time.

You're talking more and more. And intelligible to boot! You definitely get your love of animals from me, and we're learning how to be nice to the animals in stead of being mean. We're starting speech therapy with the Elementary school around the corner here on Monday and hopefully that will work out for you as well as your other therapist did.

The other day you walked up to me, gave me the sign for I Love You and told me you wanted to talk to your Gramma. So we Skyped. Then a couple of days later, you pestered me for half an hour to talk to your Grampa. So we Skyped then too. LoL! It's awesome you differentiate between your Gramma and Grampa, and your Mimi and Papa. Gramma and Grampa are coming for Thanksgiving and you are so excited every time we talk about it, the other day you asked when you were gonna see them. It was awesome.

Well I guess that's about it for now. I'm going to get going so we can finish the movie. I love you darlin. I can't believe you're three already. Where does the time go?

Mommy Moments

So I'm writing tonight to talk about the love from a mother to a child. And I don't just mean human mother to child either. Let me explain. A few weeks ago, a little kitty showed up on our doorstep. This little boy was alone, and it was wet since it had been raining, and the poor little guy just looked miserable. My brother in law had gone to the mailbox with my daughter, and on the way back, found him. So he brings him in and goes to the store.

Within half an hour, this little guy decides, I'm his person and that's that. Little did I know that meant I am now his bed, his bathtub, his venter and his feeder. LoL! Everyone in the house will feed/water if they see his bowls are empty, but if they're empty and no one notices, he will come and GET me.

So a couple of days later this second little black cat shows up on my porch. Looks almost identical to my little guy which by this point has been called Ducati. Yes, after the motorcycle. I didn't have any say so in that. But whatever. Not what I would have called him, in fact, most of the time I call him Snuggle Butt or Cat. Regardless, this other little kitty shows up and my husband is like "NO WAY! I already took in one cat I didn't want, the other one needs to just go on."

So we look at it, and it looks like it's maybe a next generation, like Ducati's brother or something. It was too small to be a parent. Well, push comes to shove, we started feeding the little girl because she was so thin, and after about a week, she literally grew. And she grew fast. She started filling out, she started looking better, her coat started shining and I soon realized, we didn't have sister. We had mama outside and baby inside. So, baby's still growing and thankfully mama is putting on weight, though still outside.

A few days after starting to feed her, I went out there and I resigned to petting her. Which, don't tell my husband I said this, but he'd been talking to and petting/holding her all along. He finally admitted it after the not wanting another cat comment. LoL! But see...I'd been resistant for so long because I am very easily attached to animals. I didn't want to get attached if she was just gonna move on. But she didn't. Over the next few days I started noticing her watching in the windows, and her head popping up as she watched in on her son.

So when I went outside to say hello, she got up in my lap after I sat down, put one paw on each shoulder as if to say thank you, and rubbed her face in mine, meowing a short appreciation. It was as if she knew, I had been deemed by him, his person, and she knew, I was taking care of him. And by damn she wanted me to know that she appreciated it.

What's the point to this story? I guess it's that (to quote my awesome neighbor), if a mama cat can stick around to keep an eye on her little boy, and know just by his smell on my clothes that he's being well taken care of, then why is it there are so many stories of crimes against babies in this world? I mean, I couldn't figure out why Satin wouldn't go. (Yes, I've decided to call her Satin at the suggestion of my brother in law's sister, no matter what he calls her. LoL! Her almost solid black fur, just like her son's, feels like satin.) But I couldn't figure out why she wouldn't leave. Now I know. Would I do that if it was my little girl? Hell yes! Now I realize that they are cats, we are not. But the fact of the matter is, point blank, a mothers love, never changes. It doesn't matter the species of mammal, a mothers love, a TRUE mother's love, will stay strong, regardless.

I guess that's about all I have for this entry. Will post more probably in the next couple of days. Three years ago today I was admitted into the hospital, not knowing that in six days, I would be giving birth to my little girl. Seems impossible.

Funnies

Little girl's had quite a few funny little moments as of late. But there's a couple of them that make me throw my head back. Moment one, the other day, while listening to Jack FM on my phone, Prince came on. And I can't think of the specific song at the moment, but I turn around while doing dishes, and Chance is break dancing. That's right. She's break dancing. To PRINCE! LMAO! I couldn't stop laughing I laughed so hard! I didn't know if I should have been laughing, or scared. I finally decided upon laughing.

Second funny moment, and you want to talk about her paying attention...The other night, she sees her daddy finish off his beer. No big deal, daddy doesn't drink a beer very often. Anyway, he finishes it off, she gets in the fridge, gets out a new one from the drawer in the fridge and gives it to her daddy. It was so cool.

She's grown so much lately! Its incredible to think in just over a month, she's going to be 3. Where does the time go?

Translations

There are things your kids say when they're younger that you sometimes forget. So I'm going to record a few of the most prevalent.

Ahee - Horse
Mickey - Music
Moo - Milk
Ga Ga - Uncle Greg
Pee - Symphony
Kee - Kris
Boo - Broke
Elelelele - Elephant
Tech-te-ga - Peek-a-boo
and lastly...Too - Shoe

To Speech or not to Speech

Okay if you know me at all, you know that I have a three year old that still needs Speech Therapy. But I have to question, as I watch her, does she NEED speech? She has so many clear words, which is no where near where she "should be" for an almost three year old. On the other hand, she makes herself very clear. She gets across what she's wanting to get across very well. So it begs to ask the question, when she turns three, and ages out of the states system, should I continue Speech Therapy if it's available to her, or should I just say no, it's not needed? If you put her and another kid her age in the room, and you can understand my daughter over the kid that has the bigger vocabulary, is she really behind? But then is that a fair assumption? Was it just that one particular kid that couldn't make himself clear enough to understand even though he had the bigger vocabulary?

Because technically by the age of three, she should have three hundred clear words. From the age between two and three, she should go from around fifty clear words, to three hundred. So is she behind because she doesn't have three hundred clear words? I don't know! She works every day and even her Speech Therapist says she's doing great as far as updating her vocab and articulating down to the syllable, so does it constitute taking the extra resources? There are a lot of kids out there that are in worse shape than she is. So at what point do I stop taking advantage of state resources? When does she get to a point that she doesn't need Speech? I leave it to you parents out there. Does she need to continue? Or should we let her just age out? What do ya'll think?

Blue Moment

So the other night, I was having a blue moment, and it was just me and Chance, and she is playing when all of a sudden she goes "Mommy! What's wrong?" and I'm like "Nothing's wrong baby. But thank you." and she comes over, gives me a hug, says "I love you mommy, here." and puts her puppy in my lap to make me feel better.

Brought a tear to my eye. She's such a sweet heart. And has a big heart to boot. She's very emotionally developed. LoL! Anyway, just thought I'd share.

First Conversation

Well Chance, we had our first intelligible conversation tonight and you used words I didn't even know you knew and in the right context. It was great! I'd told you no, and you didn't listen. So then you threw a fit because I told you no again. So then it was the dramatic throw yourself in the floor type of fit. So then you want to play with your blocks. So you bring me the case. And here's where the conversation starts.

Me: Calm down first.
You: I'm done.
Me: You're done what?
You: Done crying. (Still crying)
Me: Then stop crying.
You: I can't.
Me: Yes you can.
You: (Takes a deep cry breath, lets it out) Okay.

This is so cool! I had to tell about it. :)

Update on Learning

Major changes, major funs and major irritations are afoot! Yes that's right. My daughter has passed her terrible twos and jumped right into the troublesome three's, four months early! I love her dearly and lord knows I'd lay down in front of a bus for her, but sometimes I'm ready to hang her by her toes in the top of the nearest trees. LoL! She is the typical two year old.

We've upped her speech therapy to two times a week as she still doesn't have many clear words, and even though she is talking more and actually making small sentences like "Come on Puppy." or "I love you too Daddy.", the words aren't clear to anyone who was around that hasn't listened to her. Most of her words are garbled or just her own language all together. And as much as I hate to admit it, potty training is spotty. She's so defiant and her own little person sometimes and it's impossible to fight something that doesn't budge. LoL! I'm sure I'll find a way around this, I usually do, but man, sometimes it doesn't feel that way.

She's still growing. She's 24 lbs now. She's still tiny though. Some of her outfits that she fits in still are still 6-9 month clothes. LoL! She's my tiny terror! LMAO! Damn proud of the little fart though. She is smart. The other day she was changing her puppies "diaper" and she opened it up and was like "Eew eew eew! Oh my gosh, puppy!" and shook her head. I absolutely rolled and so did her daddy. She's had a mean streak as of late, which yes, I know. I've heard it all. It's a developmental characteristic and though it's irritating and a major frustration, it's completely normal and a good thing. Argh! LoL! I've been to the pull my hair out point a few times in the last few weeks. And I'm positive that I'm going to look back on this one day and laugh myself to stitches about this, but goodness...it ain't today. LoL!

She's doing good though! Eating isn't as much of a fight, though it is a slight one from time to time, and her teacher has dropped to coming twice a month for now since we've upped speech and it's good and bad at the same time. LoL! I've been very blessed with a great person of contact all the way around from her social worker with the state, to her teacher/occupational therapist to her speech therapist. She ages out when she turns three but then she can have an opportunity to continue with the local school system, should we choose.

I think one of her biggest issues right now is lack of social interaction. It's one of those suck worthy situations. Only one car seriously hinders the opportunity to get her out of the house and around other kids. So many things have made me stick to my thoughts of home schooling. The other day, on the news, an elementary school was on lock down because a first grader brought a gun to school. Really? A six year old child, had a gun in his backpack?

And recently she's discovered fear. She's suddenly scared of the vacuum cleaner, a thunder storm, the lawn mower, or anything loud. She's also just like me in the sense that she's very sensitive to sad parts in movies or sad songs. And she wont even know what she's crying about but she just bawls. And it's so hard not to laugh when she does it. Mainly because she has no clue what she's even crying for. I talked to my mom about it and low and behold, my daughter and I are a mirror image of me and my mom. LoL! I'm in so much trouble!

Well that's all for my book for now. I will bid you all a fond farewell until next time! Holla!

Home

Well we're back home from our vacation as of Sunday. I'm so sad, and little girl has just been by my side since we got home. Even now, she's sitting beside me on the couch, playing with her dolly. It was a very productive vacation and she learned a lot. Score one more for Grampa for getting her to eat meat with ketchup. Dunno what it is about Grampa but he manages to get her to do things that no one else can, no matter how many times they try. Like last night, she ate a hotdog, for the first time, because of the ketchup. LoL!

We went to Sea World too! That was a lot of fun but I think she was still just a little too young to appreciate what she was seeing. It was really neat at the Shamu show, before it started, they asked for all service members, past and present to stand up with their families. It was really cool that my daddy was able to stand up and be shown on the jumbo screen, brought tears to my eyes, and still does even now when I think about it. I was a little disappointed that the trainers weren't allowed in the tanks with the whales any more, but I understand why. I don't like it, but I get it. It takes some of the magic away to me.

Now that we're home, she's talking a lot more, and I have not been able to keep her off the potty tonight. I've made more trips up stairs to get her a treat for peeing in the potty in the last hour, than I have since we started. Which is good, I don't want to discourage her from using the potty, but holy crap. LoL! Anyway, we're home now. Getting back into the groove of things as it were, and it's taking time, but she seems in a lot better mood and it was definitely good for me! So, until later...Holla!!!

Baptized on Easter Sunday

We're down visiting the parents and my dad asks us last weekend how we felt about getting Chance dedicated, or baptized. I was all for it and daddy just needed a little reassurance that it wasn't something that would prevent her from being able to do it for herself when she was ready. So we called the preacher, met with him in his office before church this morning and this Easter Sunday, little girl was promised to God.

Dad said it was important to him that it be done and he'd be honoured if we would have it done here. So after a long conversation with the husband, we decided to go ahead. She did great this morning. We went up and the pastor prayed over us then asked three questions. Would God accept the dedication (Well duh, LoL!), would the congregation help us as parents with the raising of her in a Christian home, and would we as the parents, promise to raise her in a Christian home. Of course the answer to all three questions, yes. So she was sprinkled with holy water and baptized this morning. It was so awesome.

We all cried! Me, daddy, gramma and grampa. After it was done she smiled and shook the pastors hand, and the whole congregation laughed and fell in love with her instantly. It is so cool knowing that my daughter, was baptized on Easter Sunday. I feel so good having gotten it done. I have to admit, my dads church is enough to make me uneasy. And not because of the specific branch of Christianity, because I'm used to my church at home, which is a little Church of Christ that holds probably 150 people on a busy day. My dad's church holds 2800 people on a SLOW Sunday. Talk about feeling out of place. LoL! But in the end, today was about her and Jesus/God. Not about me feeling out of place. It was a great day today and I'm so happy to know she's dedicated.

First Steps in the Ocean

Well, little girl took her first trip to the salty sea today. We decided to go to Venice and visit Uncle Ga's dad and step mom and we stopped by the ocean to look for sharks teeth. Needless to say, the sand was about as far as we went. The ocean was so rough at the beach, people were surfing with the sharks near by! It was nuts! And there was so much seaweed rolling in from whatever had the ocean so blasted churned up, it was this dingy brown/black color. But, that being said, little girl had the time of her life. She played around in the sand, built sand castles, and even got in the water, a little bit. We walked on the beach and I got some awesome pictures of her and her daddy holding hands as the waves came up. She was ready to run out there and jump in the water, no qualms about it! LoL! It was so fun to see her like that. Sad note, it was too rough to hunt for sharks teeth. :( I would have so loved to have given her that experience. Maybe it's better this way though. That way when we go back, she'll be a little bit older and can appreciate it more.

She really enjoys Florida! She's loving the golf cart more than anything I think though. LoL! She's all about taking rides, and any time we go anywhere with her, if it's not in the golf cart she's upset about it! LoL! Bless her little heart. And she's made a big friend in Gramma and Grampa's dog Layla. She's a papillon, and like Chance, she's very small for her breed. She weighs in at a whopping 4lb, full grown. She's a funny little dog, and she and Chance really get along. Makes me miss my puppies back home.

Well, enough about that, gotta get things ready for Easter tomorrow and for church. Little girl's getting dedicated tomorrow. Very exciting for me and daddy. On Easter Sunday. :) Plans, plans, plans. Until later!

A Learning Vacation

So we finally made it! Down to Florida to visit the parents and let them enjoy little girl. They're having such a good time with her, and of course I'm having a ball just watching, and spending time with my parents. But I've got to tell you what she's learned so far. She's learned how to golf with her own set of clubs that Grampa got her, she learned how to dance and yesterday, she learned how to swim. Well, kind of.

I swear I think they traumatized her in the NICU because before yesterday, she wouldn't get into anything that resembled a bath. But she got in and had a ball! She's such a little big person and I love watching her interact with my parents. My dad just absolutely adores her and so does my mom, but it's funny to look and see some of the same relationship between myself and my Grandpa, as I do in her and hers.

Lord knows she's already getting him to do things that he won't for me. LoL! It was so funny, when we got here, she ran right up to him and gave him a huge hug around his neck. There's still a lot of vacation left, and I can't wait to report back to what she's going to learn before we leave. :)

My little girls blankie

Well I'm sure that anyone who has children knows that their child has a blankie, or a binkie, or a stuffed toy that is their security blankie. I still have mine from when I was a baby, and yes, admittedly, I still sleep with it every night. Well I have discovered as of late, that I am my daughters blankie. Yes, that's right. I have to admit, it's a good feeling, knowing that I am her security. Here recently it's been my hair, my hand, my thumb, even my pinkie finger. It's awesome. But I did tell her I wasn't going on her honeymoon with her. LoL! She has a blankie that grandma made that goes with her everywhere too. Maybe that will be her permanent blankie.

Side note, we have started the ever fated battle of potty training. Oh yes. Fun times ahead. NOT! I've barely started and already to throw in the towel. But it's a process and I need to be patient. Lord help me with that one. Sometimes I'm ready to give her to someone who's done it already and tell them to bring her back when she's done training. LoL! My sister told me to stop using pull-ups and to sit her on the pot every 30 minutes. Tried the every half hour thing. Gonna just give up the pull ups tomorrow. Bad part with her, she's so damn little, even the smallest panties are too big for her little butt. Trust me, I'm open to suggestions on that one.

Anyway, done with my rant. Off to spend some time playing. :) Until later homies! Peace out!

My Little Shadow

I officially have a shadow. She does everything I do, when I do it. If I have my hoodie on, so does she. If I have my shoes on, so does she. If I'm barefoot, so is she. And right now, she is in her recliner, with her little tyke laptop in her lap, typing away on the keyboard, just like her mommy. Today, she folded her own laundry (very haphazardly) and put it away today when I washed. She's such a big girl I can't believe it! She still doesn't talk, and she has her therapist and teachers completely perplexed because there's no real reason for it. Leave it to me to have a perplexing difficult child. I am one of the most self proclaimed contradictory people in this world. And my daughter, is just like me!

I'm such a proud mommy! :)

Last Year in Review

Yeah, I know, I'm into the second month of 2012 and I'm just now getting to writing this blog, but it's been crazy. Not bad thankfully, just crazy. So, even though it's late, I'm going to start off by talking about some of Squeak's firsts that took place in 2011. She had a lot better year than I did. LoL!

Her first amusement park happened in April when we went to Lake Winnie in Georgia. It was there that she rode her first Chute ride, her first carousel, her first slide, and her first time driving a Tin Lizzy (with daddy's help of course).

She hit 20 lb's finally! That was a huge accomplishment for her. On those lines, she made her first sentence. (More please). It was in both sign language AND speaking. It's only two words, but her speech therapist and her teacher both said it counts. She learned how to say Mimi and Papa, and she baked her first muffins with the help of mommy and her teacher, and she threw out the bottles and went to sippy cups!

Her second amusement park involved a few firsts of it's own. Her first vacation, her first stay in a hotel (for more than just six hours), first time walking in shoes (she typically refused to put shoes on, she would just walk in her bare feet), and that was because she knew we wouldn't let her walk around the theme park unless her shoes were on her feet.

Random firsts include her first Sunday School class (Which was a rising success, she had a ball), she flew her first kite (My grandma's kite), she got her first haircut, she walked on the grass for the first time (of course bare foot) and she got her first silverware. Needless to say, it was a pretty big year for such a little girl, and she took it all in strides! :)

It only proves just how much and how fast she's growing. :(