3 whole ounces!!!

My little girl gained 3 ounces tonight! Up to 3 lbs 9 oz. I'm so tickled! She's doing so well! We finished the floors in the living room today and put the play pen up. All I could do was smile. My husband made googley eyes at me and told me I was in mommy mode. It was so great! My heart swelled a little bit more and I grinned from ear to ear. I looked at it and could just see us all in the living room watching the TV and my little girl right there with us in the play pen. Soon.

Big day yesterday

She was a month old yesterday! I know I didn't blog yesterday, just had a whole lot going on. And the saga continues on in my life. She's still non-symptomatic of the MRSA which is a great thing. She is up to 3 lb's 6 oz now and is doing so well. I can't help but brag. I can put clothes on her now. I have some really cute premie clothes from her great aunt, but I'm scared to take them to the hospital in the event that they come up missing. Not saying that it would happen, just saying that it could, and the posibility is enough that I want to take up some onsies that I don't care if anything happens to them, and save the cute ones for when she comes home. I got to hold her again today. It was so amazing! I can see why parents can just watch their babies sleep all night. It was the most peaceful thing holding her and watching her sleep today. She's so beautiful. She's so tiny. Wow. I never knew I could feel like this.

Needing prayers...

My little girl has tested positive for MRSA. It's antibiotic resistant staph. Right now it's on her skin only but she is in isolation and will be until she comes home. This is also something that she will have for the rest of her life. MRSA is also very contagious. I'm allowed to hold her, but no Kangaroo Care any longer. I have to scrub up, then I have to use a special gown that has long sleeves then I have to put gloves on. I can't even touch my little girl. I want her home so bad. She is not symptomatic of the Staph thank GOD! I'm praying that she is not going to become symptomatic and that she will be able to come home with no complications at all. If she does not become symptomatic then it means that she is just a carrier of MRSA and not affected by it at the moment. My major hope is that she is just a carrier and that this does not get into her bloodstream. I can only pray.

She lost 15 grams today but is still 3 lb's 4 oz and the nurse said that was okay for her to lose like that, she will have nights that she will do that. And tonight, she snored. She sounded just like her daddy. I told the nurse tonight, if I hadn't carried her for 7 1/2 months, I'd never know she was mine! LoL!

Short update...LoL!

My little girl gained 2 oz tonight! She's 3 lb's 4 oz now! I can't even begin. I'm so excited! Tee hee! Life is good! How can it not be when I found out today also that I'm not contagious and I can see my little girl tomorrow! Eke!!!

Another ounce!

My little girl gained another ounce today! She's now 3 lbs 2 oz! The nurse said that after 95 more grams she will be able to wear clothes! I'm so excited! Until I realize I have no premie clothes for her to wear! Holy crap! LoL! Oh well. I don't even care. I just know that it means that she will be coming home soon! The daytime nurse said today they upped her bottle feedings to 3 times a day. She said that she seemed to do okay with it but she was a tuckered out little girl trying to take a feeding in the middle of the day today. LoL! Bless her little heart. It takes a lot to take a bottle. I am going shopping for some clothes for my little girl to take to the hospital for when she gets big enough! Eke!

She hit 3 lb's!!!

Yeah baby! I'm so excited right now! My little girl is 3 lb's 1 oz tonight! Daddy got to bottle feed her and burp her because I am sick and not able to go up there. He said it was the coolest thing. I can't begin to explain how excited I am about this! She will be home before we know it! I'm so happy I can't stand it! Holy crap! She's gonna be home soon! Eke! I'm so tickled!

More and more...

She gained 30 grams today. She's up to 2 lb's 15 oz. I'm so tickled! Yay! Life is fab!!!!

Bottle is up to twice a day now

I just talked to the nurse. My sister was up there today and we talked about how she was doing. So I called the nurse with a couple of questions. *Yep sis...she was sneezin. And it's cuz of the tube in her nose. They said it was normal so she's good. No worries. Thank you for letting me know definitely.*

They also said that they are going to increase her bottle feeding to 27 ML's (Which my sister told me...LoL!) and increase her bottle to twice a day. Once on the day shift and once on the night. I'm so tickled. She seems to be tolerating the calorie enhancer really well this time thankfully so we will see how much weight she's gaining tonight! Eke! It's so amazing!

So many things...

Okay so yesterday at the hospital they were talking to me about the things for when I bring her home. There is so much stuff to remember. If you smoke, you have to smoke outside, and put a jacket or coat on, take that jacket or coat off at the door before coming in just so that you can keep as much of the smell off of your clothes or self as much as possible so that she is not affected by what is now called 3rd hand smoke. Obviously I don't want anyone smoking around her at all, but I'm also not allowed to use any cleaning products that smell. If it smells, it's toxic to her. That includes Pinesol, down to bleach. I am hoping to bring her home for Thanksgiving but we're most likely going to have to fore go the holiday this year because of a chance that my little girl could get sick from someone who might have a cold. She's not allowed out of the house with the exception of to see her doctor, for at least the first 6 months if not longer as determined by her pediatrician. I hope I can remember all of this stuff. They don't want anyone even really seeing her unless you are immediate family and you are positive beyond the shadow of a doubt that you are not sick or been subject to any type of germs. I am going to put some instant hand sanitizer by the door and by her bedroom door. They said that it's imperative that our hands are clean if we are going to handle her, every time we are going to handle her. We are to wash our hands thoroughly and then use the instant stuff too before we set foot in her bedroom. And I'm going to. I want to just put her in a bubble for the first year and not let anyone in or out. There are so many things that can make her sick because she's a premie. She is extremely susseptable to infection and if she catches a cold right now it's immediately back to the hospital. It's hard enough from this point. I've been told by the hospital that there is absolutely NO daycare at first, she's just too frail at this moment. No other kids are allowed to be around her for the first 6 months period. So much stuff to remember. I'm scared stupid. I'm so worried that I'm going to forget something, or do something, and she will wind up in the hospital. I can't help it. I'm a new mom and my little girl is already spending the first 2 months of her life in the hospital. Call me crazy, call me anal, call me a bitch. I don't care. I refuse to do anything once she's home, to put her back into the hospital if I can help it. No matter how many people I make mad. I am a mommy now. She is my first priority. I have to protect her. The nurse made a good point yesterday. I am her voice. No one else. I'll probably wind up giving her a pretty loud voice. LoL! But that's okay. I've found myself in this life change. I don't care if people get upset with me any more. I love my peoples, but my daughter and my husband are my life now, and I'm going to protect my family. I've grown up knowing that family is everything and sometimes, it's all you have to hold on to and keep you grounded. And buddy, I intend to hold on with both hands and never let go. Momhood definitely does change you. I didn't believe it at first, but I do now. My priorities have changed completely.

40 Gram weight gain today.

She gained 40 grams today. 2 lbs 14 oz today! I'm so tickled. Woo woo! They want the weight on her quickly. So that I can bring her home! I'm so excited!

Going to the bottle.

I got to hold and feed my little girl today, out of a bottle! It was amazing! I was scared stupid. The nurse told me I was okay to be nervous but she was just fine. One of the neonatologists was up there and she told me that she was doing great and that she actually was going to try the fortifier again too so that she will gain more weight quicker. They want her to come home as quickly as possible. It was amazing feeding her today. She did so well. It only took 8 minutes for her to finish the bottle. Then she slept so soundly today. She's so beautiful when she sleeps. Hell what am I sayin? She's beautiful all the time. Not just when she's asleep. But when she sleeps, she's so peaceful. So content. Full belly is a great thing when you're a baby. That's what it's all about. LoL! I am hoping she gained some weight today. I will call and find out soon. Until then...

Daddy got to weigh her...

So daddy just called from the hospital. He got to weigh his baby girl tonight. She gained 5 grams today. She lost a few grams last night that dropped her down to 2 lbs 13 oz. She's still 2 lbs 13 oz tonight, but she gained 5 of those grams back. He also said that they are bottle feeding her once a day and they want me to do it tomorrow. I'm so excited! Actually I'm nervous as hell, but I'm excited too! And she's still testing negative for blood in her stool. Oh my gosh! She's feeding out of a bottle! I'm so excited! That means she is that much closer to coming home! I pray that she keeps doing this well and is able to come home soon.

Gain Baby Gain!!!!

Today has been a great day! I got to see my daughter, I got to give her a massage on her legs and they said that she loves to be touched which is great! They said that a lot of babies don't like being touched because their nervous system still hadn't developed completely and it can hurt them, but she loves it! She absolutely loved it! I am so tickled. Then I got to hold her and talk to her nurse. First she informed me that she tested negative for blood in her stool today. First one in 4 days! Oh and then...then, (tee hee), she gained 90 grams today! 3 whole ounces! My little girl is getting bigger! She's 2 lb 14 oz now! I'm so tickled! The nurse said she had to weigh her twice! *Side note, since I'm on the subject of nurses, I want to shout out to my high risk peoples! Ya'll are the bomb diggety! Love ya'll and miss ya! You were outstanding!*

Anyway, life is good today. I'm so proud of my little girl. It's an amazing feeling motherhood. Even in the good things and the bad. It's true that the bad times DEFINITELY make you appreciate the good. It's the little things in life, like gaining 3 ounces in 1 day, that makes life worth while.

Still hangin in there!!!

Talked to the doctor today. It's about time!!! Grrr!!! I can't hate. He's got a rough job. He did make me feel a LOT better! When I asked him how accurate the tests were he explained that there are several reasons that a smear test can come back positive for blood in the stool and the fact is that clinically, my little girl is doing great. She gained another 10 grams tonight! She's up to 2 lbs 11 oz! I'm so happy! She's so beautiful.

10 More Grams!!!

Got to see my Squeaker tonight. Got to hold her for a bit. She seems to love watching everything around her. Her eyes are so beautiful. She was very awake tonight and oh my goodness did she squirm. She was also rooting around looking to latch on tonight. They said that was DEFINITELY a good sign and they were happy about it on the floor. I couldn't help but smile. And boy does she get fussy at feeding time. When she's hungry, she is NOT afraid to let you know about it! LoL! It's so great! And I've come to the determination that I am the one that gives her the hiccups. I don't know how, and I don't know why, but every time I hold her she gets the hiccups bless her little heart. Such are the perils of mommyhood. Poor tyke. She's so far gotten her veins from her daddy (Thank God for that!), she's got her mama's sense of patience (NONE!), and when she sleeps, she sticks one foot out of he covers. Just like both mama and daddy. LoL! I love my Squeaker so much. Life is so amazing with her in it.

Gain that weight baby girl!!!!

Last night she gained 30 grams! Tonight she gained 10! She's up to 2 lbs 10 oz! She's still testing positive, however my aunt is a nurse and she gets a nurses magazine every month and the one she was reading was talking about the test that they use to determine if there is blood in my little girls stool, is 70% inaccurate. Now that makes me wonder. With all the positive and negative readings they've been having with her, how much of that is correct? I'm not saying I don't have cause for worry, but how much cause do I really have to worry? Is all of it unfounded? I don't know. And I HATE not knowing. Especially when it comes to my daughter. Anyway, she's well tonight, and the doctor is supposed to call me in the morning so that I can ask him my questions and see what happens from here. Only time will tell and all I can do is pray that God keep his hands over my little girl and gives me patience to tolerate these ups and downs. I can't wait to bring my little girl home.

What's going on?

I'm so frustrated. It's hard enough being a new mother, then throw in your child being in the NICU and then something going on with her. Now I've dealt with a lot of things so far. It's been interesting but not all bad, despite the set backs. So I'm told that there is still blood in her stool. Now this is going on day 4 of blood in her stool. And no one seems to know why it's there. She's eating fine, she's not fussy and the X-Rays are normal so that leaves it to an intolerance in her food or diaper rash. Or something that they can't find. And at this point what I need to do is just wait. Then, they proceed to inform me that they're dropping her food to 22 ML's instead of the 24 they have her on now, but no one can tell me why? Really? You're going to tell a mother this!? A first time mother!? No! This is unacceptable. You do NOT just tell me that my daughter has blood in her stool and then follow it up with no one knows why. I still don't know anything. I'm not doing very well with this information at all. This is MY CHILD! YOU DO NOT JUST TELL ME THAT SHE STILL HAS BLOODY STOOLS AND ALL WE CAN DO IS WAIT AND SEE WHAT'S GOING ON! AS HER MOTHER IT IS MY JOB TO WORRY ABOUT THIS KIND OF STUFF AND YOU CANNOT JUST CONTINUE TO TELL ME THAT YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON WITH HER. SHE IS IN THE NICU. THE FACT THAT THERE IS BLEEDING MEANS THAT SOMETHING IS GOING ON. IT IS UNACCEPTABLE THAT YOU AS THE HOSPITAL AND NEONATAL ICU DOCTOR DOES NOT KNOW WHAT IT IS AND I REFUSE TO ACCEPT IT!

Ok Really!?

So I'm on my way up to see my daughter this morning. Now she's been dealing with this bloody stool thing. When I called last night she'd also had a bout with Apnea which is normal, but she quits breathing for a few seconds and then starts back up. Then again today she had one. And she's also remained the same weight meaning it's good that she hasn't lost any, but she also hasn't gained any either.

Anyway, on the way to the hospital this morning, I get this small pain in my chest. Feels like I have a rock sitting on my stomach. Nothing major, indigestion. And then I couldn't breathe. Then it got a little scary. I couldn't catch my breath and the pain started radiating. So off to the hospital I go. We're close to one anyway, (Not the one that my daughter is at unfortunately) so we go to the one we're closest to, they run me in and start doing tests including a CT scan and blood tests and everything else and find after 6 hours of tests that I have a Hiatal Hernia. Yay me huh? At least it's just a hernia and nothing major. That's what I'm thankful of. But we got out of there and I was able to make it up to see my shining star. My Squeaker.

She's doing good. Bright eyed. The world is hers for the taking. I will call in a few minutes and find out what she weighed and hope and pray that she's gained some weight. Because last night she didn't gain any and the night before that she lost. Please God let her have gained some weight today. And let this just be an issue that can be hurdled quickly and she will be on her way to speedy weight gain and home in no time.

Trying to remain positive

Just called to check on my little girl for the afternoon. This morning they reported that it was all good and that she was doing great, bright eyed looking out at the world. This afternoon I call to check again and they tell me that they found a little bit of blood in her stool this morning. They said that there were a number of things that could cause this including one being the diaper rash she has a touch of. They did an X-Ray of her stomach and didn't find anything, and they also said she's not fussy or anything and she's tolerating her feedings well so they suspect it's just the diaper rash but dang...they suspect? They're not for sure. All they can do is wait. I don't like just waiting. This is awful. Please just pray that my little girl is alright and that it's not anything serious and that it is just the diaper rash. Please just let it be diaper rash.

My little girl

Got to see Squeaker. She is doing fabulous. They are going to weigh her soon and I will call and get an update. I'm tickled. They moved her up a floor today! I'm so happy! She's so precious! She's doing so well!!! I'm amazed at her progress. There are just no words. I got to hold her for an hour today. Of course, she nestled in and went right to sleep after the meal! It was so great! I love my little girl! She's so amazing!

Woo hoo!!!!

She's up to 24 ML's per feeding! I'm so tickled! That's amazing! I can't wait to see her today. She's such a big girl. I'm so proud of her! I'm beside myself. Hopefully I will be able to hold her today. She seems to be doing really well with the Kangaroo Care so they are happy when we want to do it. And of course...you know I love it when she gets her time with me or daddy. It's so special. I can't wait!

Stand in the Rain Lyrics...for my Squeaker

She never slows down.
She doesn't know why but she knows that when she's all alone, feels like its all coming down
She won't turn around
The shadows are long and she fears if she cries that first tear, the tears will not stop raining down

[CHORUS]
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, whats lost can be found
You stand in the rain

She won't make a sound
Alone in this fight with herself and the fears whispering if she stands she'll fall down
She wants to be found
The only way out is through everything she's running from wants to give up and lie down.

[CHORUS]
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, whats lost can be found
You stand in the rain

So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
Stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, whats lost can be found

[CHORUS]
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, whats lost can be found
You stand in the rain

It's by Superchick and I fell in love with it when I was listening to a christian radio station in my cousins car. It's for my Squeaker. She's so tough! I'm so proud of her.

It's going good

She gained another 8 grams today. I'm so tickled for my little squeaker, she is doing so well! They said she's tolerating her food better and having no residuals. That's amazing. It's been a good day.

2 weeks old today

Wow it has been 2 weeks already. I've had no concept of time in the last 2 weeks except to know that every other day I get to go to the hospital and see my angel. I have moments when it seems like she was just born yesterday and then others when I'm shocked at the fact that she's 14 days old today, and it's only been 14 days since she's been born. My little squeaker.

My husband asks me about the pain and I mean, I feel it, I feel it every time I go to wash my hands and I scrub over the spot where my IV was in my wrist and it hurts and is so sore and achy. I feel it every time I got to bend over and I feel it where I had the c-section, or every time I throw my legs over the bed and it stretches just a tiny bit. But then I look at her tiny face, and I see those gorgeous eyes of hers, bright and full of life, and none of it matters. None of the pain matters. It's there, but I'd gladly take it. Because I know that it's there, because she's here. And it's so worth it. Life is so precious. I thank God every day because she's here. I can't wait until she comes home. It's so hard sometimes to take it one day at a time but I have to, because I know that every one day is a step closer and is such a blessing.

Yay!!!

My little girl gained 30 grams tonight! She's 2 lbs 8 oz now! I'm so proud of my little girl. She's such a big girl. I'm so happy I can't stand it. Today daddy got to go up there and do the Kangaroo Care. Got lots of good pictures and a couple of videos. He asked me if I wanted to do it, but she needs her daddy time.

LoL! Daddy was scared to death. It was so funny. He thought he was gonna break her. It was so cute watching him hold her. It was an amazing sight. I cried. LoL! Anyway she's doing great. I'm so glad I can report that tonight. And even happier that she's tolerating the formula. God is good.

She took it!!!

They said that the formula feeding took great! She only had like 1 ML of residual which they said is pretty normal for the first formula feeding. They said she is doing great! I'm on my way to see her now!

On a good note...

I called to check on my young'un. She's gained 50 grams today! I'm amazed. They just gave her the first bit of formula tonight. We will see how she does with it. They said all in all though, she's doing great tonight. This moms worry of mine is probably all for not, but I'd rather be sure.

Not tolerating it

Well, I just called the hospital. They told me yesterday that they were putting her on a calorie fortifier which they are adding to my breast milk. No problem. It adds calories. Something she needs to grow. Well, she's not tolerating it. At all. So they are going to give her 3 feedings of regular breast milk and then 1 of formula and see how that works. Her nurse proceeds to explain that there are times that the babies stomachs cannot tolerate the formula either. If that happens they will have to put her strictly on IV fluids for a week and try to start giving her milk again after that. They said it was very normal for that to happen with premies but damn it breaks my heart to hear this. It kinda seems like a step back. They may be able to keep her on the formula for the 4th feeding, but basically she's not gaining as much weight as the doctor would like, so they're trying to up her calorie intake. They said breast milk is around 18-20 calories per ounce and they want her up to 24 calories per ounce. Hence the fortifier, which she is not tolerating. Only time will tell, and I'm probably jumping to conclusions and worrying for nothing but dammit, I'm a mom and it's my job to worry when my daughter is not doing as well as she could be. Can't help it. Anyway, will find out more later when I call this evening after evaluation. Until then...

Growing

Well, it's day 12. My young'un gained a whole nother ounce last night! Eke! I'm all giddy with excitement. The doctors haven't determined yet if she can come off the light but as soon as they see her we should know something. I'm so excited. My baby is doing great! It's amazing what God does. He gave her to me. No doubt she wouldn't be here if not for him. And she's so beautiful. She looks just like her daddy. It's no wonder the nurses are all in love with her. LoL! Maybe I'm just bias too. NAH!

My smile

Ok really folks, I'm so glad I got to see my smile today. If I hadn't I'd be pulling my hair out right now! I only got to hold her for 30 minutes today because she was under the light, but she was so precious today. Like she's not precious every day. Hah! I got video of her with the hiccups. Oh my gosh, she squeaked, she looked so cute. Bless her little heart. She had them big time. It was pitiful. Anyway, she's my whole world. Then I got into the ever fateful time quandry, I'm wishing it would pass fast so that she could hurry up and come home, and soon enough I'm going to be wishing she would stop. Then of course I bawled my eyes out. LoL!

But such is life right!? Anyway, the home front .... oh my goodness, don't even get me started! Lets see, the septic tank needs to be replaced completely because the old one which is 20+ yrs old has settled and sheered off the escape pipe to the back end of the tank leading to the leech bed. Good times right!? Water company is out fixing our water on top of that. UGH! Good times.

But I can't complain. Because stuff is stuff on the home front, and it can be fixed and replaced. The important thing is that my daughter is doing good. She's growing more and more every day and I'm so excited every day I can hold her. She's more and more awake and the nurse said they are trying to incorperate her nuk-nuk with feeding time and she seems to be taking to it really well. That's the important things in life. And that, is going good. That is all I can ask for.

Another good night!!!

I called again. My daughter is doing good! She's on the light tonight and tomorrow for Jaundice, but they said it's alright, most premies have bouts with Jaundice when they're young like that. Other than that she's good. She gained 10 grams today so she's back to her birth weight now and she's been bumped up to 21 ML's per feeding! I'm so proud of my little girl. She's doing so well! I can't wait to see her tomorrow. Hoping we can hold her but theyr'e not sure, since she's on the light if I can or for how long. No matter. I just want to be able to see my little girl. To lay my eyes on her gorgeous face and see her beautiful, beautiful eyes. Anyway folks, until tomorrow.

Updating for yesterday...

I did good...I didn't cry at the hospital when I left my little girl. I waited until I was home! I'm getting better. Yesterday I got to hold her for a good while. She was wide awake almost the whole time. Except when I was holding her she hunkered down again and went to sleep after eating. They said at the hospital that she's such a big little girl. Just waiting to grow. They said at the moment she's wide awake right now. They said she's so cute. LoL! I can't help but smile and nod my head on the other end and say thanks. She's such my little angel baby. I can't wait to have her home. I look at her picture on my computer and it makes me want to cry. I can't believe that beautiful little baby came from me. My husband and I created life. It's amazing what love can do. I look at my husband now and I have a profound new love for him. I wouldn't have my angel if it wasn't for him. And yeah, any guy can lay down and make a baby. They do it all the time. But it takes a daddy to create an angel. It takes love to create a heart and a will and the strength to pull through that my little girl has. She's so tough. Everyone says that. That she's feisty! LoL! I love it! I can't imagine life without her. The last 9 days have been a MAJOR roller coaster though. I'm not even gonna pretend that they haven't been.

The rational part of me knows that my daughter is in the best place for her, but the mother in me just wants her home right now. I want to be able to pick her up when she cries. To feed her when she's hungry. To change her diaper when she's wet. To hold her when she needs held. To feel her warm little body against mine when she sleeps. Those little moments that mean evereything. Being able to kiss her tiny nose and feel here rest against me, knowing that it's okay. Mama's here. She's safe. She's loved more than life itself.

Anyway, back to my daughter, and off of my ramblings. She's doing great. She did amazing yesterday when I held her. They've upped her feedings to 19 ML's and I will check later but I'm assuming they will bump her up to 21 today. I will make sure. Oh and she gained her 5 grams back last night. She's still 2 lb 4 oz, but she got her 5 grams back! Woo hoo! She's growing! I'll be happy when she gets back to her birth weight. Man it seems to be taking so long to put the weight on. UGH! When I can look at a candy bar and put 5 lb's on my hips immediately!? Come on! Let's get going little body! Put that weight on! LoL! Anyway, she's doing so well. I'm so happy. I'm so proud of my little girl. She was properly named. It was when I left it to chance that she was concieved. Now it's by God's good grace that she's doing so well I'm sure, but I can't imagine changing her name to Grace. LoL!

Man it's a long drive.

Going up to see my little girl in a bit. I've got to leave here so early in order to make it on time for feeding. That is the only time that they will allow the Kangaroo Care so I have to be there at a certain time, and I'm not going to chance that one. They say it's because babies need as much sleep as they can and they need to be left alone as much as possible so as long as she's warm enough and it's feeding time, I can hold her. It makes sense. It sucks, but it makes sense. I also need to make sure I get up there and get my milk to her.

Man let me tell you, healing is rough! I have my good days and my bad days with the pain. Today is a bad day. All I can say is if it wasn't for my mama being here, I'd be in a world of hurt right now. And oh my gosh! On a side note...I just got a freaking spider out of my coffee cup. A SPIDER!? EEEEEWWWWWW GRODY! I mean really!? Anyway. I'm off to see my baby girl. Until later!

Good night

Just called the hospital. She's doing great. Tolerating her feedings really well at 17 ML's! I'm so proud of my little girl! Though there is a loss of 5 grams to report today. But the nurses said that was normal and that was okay being that she gained a whole ounce yesterday. So anyway, she's doing great and I can't wait to see her in the morning.

Got a call from the hospital.

Just got a call from the hospital. Earlier I checked on her and they told me that she was doing great and they were increasing her feedings to 17 ML's tonight. My heart fell and I almost couldn't talk to the nurse when she called. She assured me instantly that nothing was wrong with my daughter and that they were moving her within the NICU again. Now the next move up would actually be literally up, to the next floor. They tell me that they're actually moving her back to the spot she was in before this one. My heart falls out of my chest again! Why is she moving down!?

She explains that they're short handed for staffing and that what has happened is they have moved her to a bigger spot on the different part of the floor so that they can keep a good eye on her with the nurses. She then proceeds to inform me that they would like to move her to the next floor if they could but staffing wont allow it. However, within the next couple of days they should be able to move her up, and when they do, she will be up there until she goes home! I'm so excited! She's doing so well! I'm amazed! I want to cry tears of joy knowing that my baby girl is doing so good! I can't wait until she comes home!

It's a good day!

I just called and checked on my little girl. She's doing great today. They gave her a bath and they said that she was a little pipsqueak while they were giving her the bath but she's doing good now and sleeping very soundly. They were able to take the IV out completely and she's doing great! They said she's happy now that she's clean and full belly. I'm so happy. I hope to be able to make it out there today but there's no telling if I will or not. I'm just amazed that she's doing so well. I want to just hold her so much. Hold her and never let go.

Doing great!!!

My little girl is doing great! She's 2lb 4oz. She tolerated the 15 ML feeding tonight and if she tolerates one more they're going to remove the IV fluids completely! OH MY GOSH! My little girl is doing so good! They are in love with her at the NICU. Of course...what's not to love? She's got the sweetest face in the world and her little nose is so cute. She has the brightest eyes in the world. I absolutely adore her. So much love.

Indescribable

I got to hold my daughter for the first time today. They call it Kangaroo Care. There are no words in this world to express the feeling of your baby laying on you for the first time. I never knew I could love something so much as I do my little girl. She's doing so good. They are upping her feedings to 15 ML's and they said once she is established at that amount, they will be able to remove the IV fluids completely. I cannot even express the joy that fills my heart to know that. Seeing her today was amazing. She's still so tiny. The nurse said that some babies don't like being held by their mothers. It shocked and amazed me. My little girl ... not wanting to be held by me? I thank God that was not the case.

They call it Kangaroo Care at the hospital. It's where the mom or dad rests the baby on their chest, skin on skin. And doing that allows bonding with the baby and the respective parent, and they are able to be held for up to an hour like that out of the incubator. I cried. I was the Trevvy Fountain for the first 10 minutes. There were no words at all to describe the feeling. There still are no words. My heart is so full, it hurts. I look at my little girl and I smile. I could just about cry. I do cry. I couldn't imagine life without her, and she is 7 days old! They did say earlier today that after about a week, she should start putting on the weight pretty consistantly. She's a week today. My husband laughs at me because I told her today that I'm doing my job making milk, now it's up to her to do her job and put on weight. My husband says that she will have an amazing work ethic way early in life. I have to laugh myself but I look down at her sweet face, and I kiss her head and I can do nothing but cry again. Tears of joy, tears of love. I tell ya, when she gets home, I'm likely to never put her down. I told her earlier today though that as much as she will surely be spoiled, I will test that butt if she needs it. Though at this moment, I dunno if she will ever do wrong in my eyes. Time will tell I'm sure. Anyway, that's all for now. I will call later tonight and see if she gained any weight today. I'm sure I will report more when I know. Until then...

Update for the night

Just called and got an update on my daughter. She is doing great tonight! She is eating 13 ML's per feeding and seems to be tolerating it just fine. She's gained 5 grams! I'm so excited! They said that she's asleep on her belly right now and they are going to check her for jondis in the morning, she may have to go onto the lamp again but we will see when they run the blood test. I'm going up to see her first thing. I can't wait to see my little girl. I'll report more as I know it! She is such my whole heart. My whole world revolves around that little girl. I never imagined I could love so much.

The beginning of my story

This is Chance's story. She was born at 30 weeks. Dealing with Preclampsia, High Blood Pressure and Gestational Diabetes I was put in the hospital on Sept 19th because they were scared I would go into labor and being that I was 29 weeks along at the time, they didn't want me going into labor at home. So, they admitted me.

Not a lot happened in the first week. They did the best they could to drop my blood pressure as low as possible and finally after playing with medicine, they were able to get it under control. The Toxemia however, once it starts, there is no way to stop it. For those who don't know Toxemia is a condition that women can get with pregnancy that unfortunately, once you get it, the only way to stop it is to deliver the baby because the Toxemia comes from the placenta, and of course, you have to have the placenta in order to have the baby in the first place. There inlies the issue.

Let me actually start at the beginning of this whole story. My husband and I decided back in October of last year that after going on 8 years of marriage, we were finally ready for children. Okay I say we, but I was finally ready. My husband has been ready for kids since we got married. I had my own issues and was scared stupid about having a kid. So we tried. And we tried, and we tried. And every month, I would wind up not being pregnant.

February of this year rolls around and I know that I'm due to start my period, and there is none. I get excited, I take the pregnancy test, nothing. I'm once more brokenhearted at the fact that the pregnancy test has come back "Not Pregnant". So we wait. And we wait some more. Now comes the beginning of March. Still no period. Still the pregnancy test comes back "Not Pregnant", still I am confused. So we get into the end of the second week of March. My husband suggests we get one more pregnancy test. I stop at Wal-Greens on my way home from work on Saturday March 21st. My husband is at work so I call him as I take the test. I can't wait until he gets home. I'm too nervous.

So I do the little thing and I wait. It says that it could take up to 3 minutes for results to show up and with the last 2 tests, it had taken a while. So I stare at the test. My husband waits in silence on the phone and after about 45 seconds I see "Pregnant". And I stare at it for the longest moment waiting for the word "Not" to come up in front of the "Pregnant". My husband brings me back to reality asking me what the test says. I am speechless. I tell him he's going to be a daddy. All of a sudden I'm scared stupid. I'm actually pregnant. I'm going to be a mom. Holy crap! So, it's Saturday. I call my doctor and I tell them that I want a professional test and they tell me to come on in.

Then I call my daddy. Now he lives in a different state and he was with my grandma who was in the hospital at the time. In the hospital room with my mom and my aunt he answers the phone. I tell him..."Daddy, I'm pregnant." and I'm crying. So I reassure him that the tears are happy tears and he says "Well I would hope so." So I calm myself, and I say to him "Congratulations Grandpa." and he cries. So everyone else in the hospital room is now askin my dad why he's crying. So he says "Hello Grandma". So my grandma says "Oh, hi sweetie!" and my dad says, "No mom, actually I wasn't talking to you." Then my mama realizes he's talking to her, then it clicks for her that he said Grandma. The whole room was crying and saying congratulations and everything else.

The next step is the doctor. Now my sister went to an OB/GYN that was absolutely wonderful and delivered all 3 of her children. I was there when all 3 were born, I like this guy and further more, I trust him. So my husband and I talk about it and we go to him. So I go in for my first appointment with him on that following Wednesday and he decides that since my last period would suggest that I was 6-8 weeks along he would do a quick ultrasound and make sure everything looked okay. He does the ultrasound and he doesn't see anything. My heart falls out of my chest. He tells me, it could be that I'm too early, or it could be tubal that they needed to do more blood tests in a couple of days, see if the hormone levels are increasing, do another ultrasound and see what they could tell. Now, me being me and my timing with everything, he's going on vacation and the testing to be done on Friday would have to be done by one of his associates. Whatever. I didn't care at that point, I just wanted to know, was I still prego, was I not, where it was, so on and so forth.

So Friday rolls around and they pull the blood. Sure enough, my hormone levels are going up, the levels are still conducive to the thought that I'm 6-8 weeks along, so they do an ultrasound. I go to the imaging place, they do 2 ultrasounds, I'm there for half the afternoon and they find something. They find what looks like a possible cyst on my ovary, that if the baby is 6-8 weeks along, its about that size. So they rush me in that moment for an emergency laproscopy to now remove the baby which is not where it's supposed to be.

Well, they run me in, they do the laproscopy to remove the embryo, I wake up about an hour later and find, guess what...there's no baby. They cyst on my ovary was just a cyst on my ovary and they can't find the baby in the tubes. Now by this point they know that I haven't miscarried, and they know that it's not in the ovaries or tubes. So I'm still pregnant. Turns out after everything was all said and done, even with the hormone levels being as high as they were in my blood and missing my period, I had missed my period as an absolute fluke, that had nothing to do with me being pregnant (Hence the negative pregnancy tests), my hormone levels just happened to be really high, and I was only 3 weeks along. Not 6-8 weeks as originally thought. And the reason why the ultrasound couldn't find her was because well obviously, she's just a few cells that have divided. So we wait.

The rest of it went as normal as a regular pregnancy could go. Visits were good, ultrasounds went good, she of course had her legs closed in the initial big ultrasound so we weren't for sure she was a girl, but I knew. I'd been sure of it from the first week that she was a little girl. Well I'd had my thoughts, but I'd had my doubts. My daddy on the other hand was positive that she was a girl. You couldn't tell him one way from Adam that it was a boy, he wasn't havin any of it! LoL! And I had my issues with my pregnancy. My hips were misplaced so we already knew there was a good chance that I was going to have to have a c-section already. Then my uterus was tilted and the placenta was toward the back part of the uterus anyway so it took me forever to be able to feel her moving. Then came the third tri-mester. Time to come off of all my medicines that I'm taking that can affect my daughter. That was fun! That's when I started having issues with my blood pressure and when they started worrying about me having Toxemia and everything else. It had gotten to the point that I was out of work, at home and laying on my left side half the time.

Then we come back to the beginning of the blog. In the hospital. By Monday, my doctor comes into the room and first thing he does is says "Dang, I can't go anywhere and you end up in the hosptial." and of course I laugh. He tells me that whats happened is I've become Toxic and I'm going to be in the hospital until my daughter is born. And it's probably going to be within the next 2-3 weeks and it will be C-section. So I set in for the week. And I know it's going to be a long couple of weeks ahead of me. Or so I think.

Thursday morning I have an issue with a pain that hits my right side at about 4:30 in the morning. I wake my husband up and he hits the nurse button. They rush in and I can't explain why my side hurts. They check my blood pressure and its high and is on the rise. They assess it and the type of pain it is seems to be like a gas bubble that has hit so they have me get up and walk down the hallway and back. So my husband helps me out and after that it's a pretty big blur to be honest for the next few hours. My blood pressure got really high and my heart rate got really low. They almost took my daughter that morning. It was pretty scary. They finally got me stable and were able to stop anything from happening. Now up until this point they have on Tuesday and Wednesday given me steroids to help with the growth of my daughters lungs and kidneys because they are going to have to take her early.

So Friday morning comes. They run my blood pressure and they do an ultrasound and they find while doing the ultrasound that when my blood would pump it would flow, but there was no forward flow to the baby when it would stop pumping. They run in the room at around 10:30 and start setting me up, I'm going to have a baby. They're doing a C-Section at 2. Suddenly I realize holy crap, my daughter is coming! Now mind you, one thing that crosses my mind but I don't really think about, it's my mom's birthday. Happy birthday grandma!

They roll me into the OR for my c-section. They get me ready and they start with the spinal so they can numb me for the whole thing. The spinal hurt so bad. They have a very small area to work with and to be honest, I'm still having issues with my leg and the muscle where they hit something in my spine, though they are positive it will go away as swelling does. They scrub my husband up, get him ready and then they proceed with the surgery once I'm numb. I don't feel much of anything at all. I can feel little pressures, but really, that's all I feel. My husband feels the entire table shake and tells me he's going to look over the little blue cloth to see what they're doing. I tell him not to pass out on me. His story on what happened will be a later blog, but before it was all said and done, they were done and they were showing me the sweetest face I have ever seen in my life. There my daughter was in front of me. My little girl.

I instantly felt possessive and more love than I have ever known in my life. I hear all kinds of commotion going on beside me and the doctor tells me that they are getting her breathing going good because she is pre-term and she needs to breathe. I don't remember much of the next few hours, I just know that it's late Friday night that I'm able to go see my daughter. And I cry. She's so beautiful, so tiny. I have so many emotions. I feel so bad that she's in there, so loved that she's there, so scared that she's in there.

As I see her day by day it's getting a little easier as she is doing better. She was 2lb 5oz when she was born. She lost weight the first couple of days which they said was normal but she's gaining it back slowly. She's off of the oxygen already and it's been 6 days. I can't begin to tell the emotions I'm feeling right now. I hate that I had to leave her there. She is in one of the best Neonatal ICU's in the state and I know she's in good hands. I could not imagine her being home right now at 2lb 3oz, but it doesn't change the fact that I want her home with me right now. Not in a hospital miles away.

Other than that I'm doing okay. I can call and check on her, and I can even go up and see her every day. And I'm able to actally produce milk that I can take up to her which they said is good for her and is putting on her weight. She is amazing the doctors that she's able to breathe without help so far and she has her good days and her bad days. She's a bit jondis today and they are going to have to put the lamp on her today, but they also said they were going to remove the IV line that they have in her belly button and put an IV line in her foot or hand, which is a good thing, and means progress. They also moved her to a different part of he NICU yesterday which is what they do when the babies get stable. I'm so proud of my little girl. She's getting bigger by the day and doing better and better. It's going to be probably the end of November before they are able to let her come home (Unless they do what my father in law keeps suggesting and put gravy in with the breast milk. LoL!), but we are hoping for a quicker recovery. Well, this blog is her story. I will keep it updated as much a possible for my followers. Hopefully she will be home before anyone knows it. That's my hope and prayer. We are definitely open to prayers from anyone who wants to put in a word for my little girl. Love and peace to all.