So many things...

Okay so yesterday at the hospital they were talking to me about the things for when I bring her home. There is so much stuff to remember. If you smoke, you have to smoke outside, and put a jacket or coat on, take that jacket or coat off at the door before coming in just so that you can keep as much of the smell off of your clothes or self as much as possible so that she is not affected by what is now called 3rd hand smoke. Obviously I don't want anyone smoking around her at all, but I'm also not allowed to use any cleaning products that smell. If it smells, it's toxic to her. That includes Pinesol, down to bleach. I am hoping to bring her home for Thanksgiving but we're most likely going to have to fore go the holiday this year because of a chance that my little girl could get sick from someone who might have a cold. She's not allowed out of the house with the exception of to see her doctor, for at least the first 6 months if not longer as determined by her pediatrician. I hope I can remember all of this stuff. They don't want anyone even really seeing her unless you are immediate family and you are positive beyond the shadow of a doubt that you are not sick or been subject to any type of germs. I am going to put some instant hand sanitizer by the door and by her bedroom door. They said that it's imperative that our hands are clean if we are going to handle her, every time we are going to handle her. We are to wash our hands thoroughly and then use the instant stuff too before we set foot in her bedroom. And I'm going to. I want to just put her in a bubble for the first year and not let anyone in or out. There are so many things that can make her sick because she's a premie. She is extremely susseptable to infection and if she catches a cold right now it's immediately back to the hospital. It's hard enough from this point. I've been told by the hospital that there is absolutely NO daycare at first, she's just too frail at this moment. No other kids are allowed to be around her for the first 6 months period. So much stuff to remember. I'm scared stupid. I'm so worried that I'm going to forget something, or do something, and she will wind up in the hospital. I can't help it. I'm a new mom and my little girl is already spending the first 2 months of her life in the hospital. Call me crazy, call me anal, call me a bitch. I don't care. I refuse to do anything once she's home, to put her back into the hospital if I can help it. No matter how many people I make mad. I am a mommy now. She is my first priority. I have to protect her. The nurse made a good point yesterday. I am her voice. No one else. I'll probably wind up giving her a pretty loud voice. LoL! But that's okay. I've found myself in this life change. I don't care if people get upset with me any more. I love my peoples, but my daughter and my husband are my life now, and I'm going to protect my family. I've grown up knowing that family is everything and sometimes, it's all you have to hold on to and keep you grounded. And buddy, I intend to hold on with both hands and never let go. Momhood definitely does change you. I didn't believe it at first, but I do now. My priorities have changed completely.